Saturday, October 31, 2009

afTer eXam -pArt oNe

five hours have just passed since my last post...damn hardworking blogging???NONONO...i cant sleep well after 3plus in the morning just now...plus, i dreamt something which i did not want to see it anymore in my dream...thus, i woke up super early thinking what to do for the day...but my mind was not in the fit condition to do so...everything that was lingering in my grey matter is my law paper...really giving me a great shock...thinking of my high percentage of failure made me speechless n moodless...:(((((

well, as promised i will talk on the happenings after my exam...shall start with this...despite my sadness for the law paper, my friend brought me to the Ampang Look Out Point on Friday night...perhaps some of u will know where n what is it or perhaps not knowing much about this...actually, i did not noe what n where was that place too..all i knew of were it was located in Ampang and the scenery was indeed beautiful...oli one thing to comment is that the lightings of the Kl City were not that colourful..it was only a combination of yellow, orange, and red...at that time, i was thinking how scenic it would be if there were more colourful lights..i imagined all those ideas that they would not be feasible apparently...it would be damn nice to view..but, as long im happy n entertained, i have the freedom n right to think whatever i want....went up there to take fresh air...really felt so comfortable n relaxing when the cold breeze was blowing past me...the mountain was something like Bukit Larut...have to hike up though it is not as difficult and tired and long journey compared to the one in Taiping...lucky thing, i did not wear high heels there..otherwise, my leg will be gone...hahhaz...sorry, people..no photoes taken this time coz my camwhore partner n my gang of friends were not there..in addition, i lost the mood to SS (syiok sendiri...vijay's words to me whenever i took pictures...lolx)...at that time, i just felt like looking at the scenery and kept silent...so, i cant upload them here....oli the two of us who went up there as another friend of mine last minute decided not to go...how i wish she can really make it at that time...but i couldnt force her at that time...everyone was mourning for the Law paper...u see, how killing that paper was???

after an hour of walk at the Ampang Look Out Point, we went to search for McD...initially, we were supposed to go to the Taman Connaught's branch..but the road seemed to be altered drastically ( there used to be a U-turn in front but now it has lost somewhere in the air...even Im the so called GPRS oso duno where to turn)..as such, v made a big big turn n finally got fed up...so, v switch to Subang's one...but when we reach Summit, my friend took the wrong turn..sumo say good sense of direction number two...counted from behind mia number two got la...due to his 'kind' mistake, we approached the one in Taipan...actually, i have lots of food to eat..dessert la, pizza la, french toasts la, french fries la, n bla bla bla....but the clock was ady showing 12 am d...have to resist all the temptations..coz i wana to get THIN...really cant stand all the fats that are embodied in me...nevertheless, my determination has failed me...u noe how crazy for me to eat 3 large McD french fries...well, if that time was daytime, im ok with it..but it was midnite...wow, great leh...the french fries really made me cant stop putting them into my mouth...my friend sumo din stop me...sumo volunteer to buy for me...swt...

reached my room kinda late though i still have not break my Subang's record of coming back to my room at 5am after the mooncake festival at Vijay's place..that was my greatest record so far...hahahahz..felt proud at times for my record...but i felt prouder of my Taiping's records...wakakkakz...went out at 7pm the previous day and back to my house at 9 or 10 sth in the morning the next day...hahahhaz...salute to myself...

let me put a stop for this post yea...will update on Hooi Chin's burfday and my another outing with Jacky...need a rest awhile 1st...now im catching up a drama series entitled ' In the Chamber of Bliss'..i have just finished watching Burning Flame 3 a day before company law paper..the drama was extremely touching especially the ending that i cried when a dedicated fireman is willingly to sacrifice his life for others and the teamwork that has been demonstrated by the firemen...they were so united...my friends said im a water-tank..so easily tears will drop..i dont deny lorr..coz whenever i come across the sad scenes, my eyes will get wet...n that suits the title of a sensitive and emo girl i supposed...lolx...kla..chaoz..will be right back if the internet line maintains its good service till night...i wana complain bout the line d...make me cant on9 at nite everyday...hate it...

lAw ComPany MalAysia....

feeling freaking tired right now..yet, i have so much to blog at tis time...

at last, Sem 1 year 2 has officially come to an end on the 30 Oct 2009 at 5pm...yet, it is another start for my biggest fear...as some of u all might know that my last paper yesterday was Malaysia Company Law...I felt damn nervous, stressed, anxious and watsoever those negative feelings that were accumulating in my heart for that killing paper since few weeks ago...the day before yesterday, a severe headache attacked me again..this time, it pained me till my tears dropped down...i really did not understand the reason...i did not push myself so hard for the law..i just studied what i can...i just read according to my ability...when it was time to break, i took a stop..in fact, during this exam week, i damn hardworking going out for 'yumcha'...thanz to a friend who always brought me out to de-stress at midnights...at least, i could breathe in some fresh air eventhough the air in SUbang has been heavily polluted...nevertheless, it's always better compared to the air trapped in the room...so suffocating facing the books with such air...

having said bout the COmpany Law, i nearly had a break down after the exam...in a three-hour paper, i only managed to complete three questions which amounted to 60 marks out of hundred..i have already tried my best to write very fast but still failed to complete everything due to the time constraint...to make things worse, this subject is graded 100% solely on the final exam...put simply, no assignments marks are contributing to the finals...imagine 60 marks questions out of 100 marks....i really cant figure it what will happen if i had failed in that subject...i duno how on earth to get a wrong of 10 marks in order to pass...Dear God, please just give me 50 marks...50 marks are suffice for me..really...i dont ask much..please, help me...i really dont wana fail...i dunwan to get myself expelled from the college...i dunwan my scholarship to be taken away from me...please bless me..i pray hard...

since yesterday till now, i have been thinking about PTPTN Loan if my scholarship was to leave me...will the govt grant me such loan when my transcript has a fail subject printed on it??how much will i get for the loan??will it be enough to cover all my tuition fees??this problem has been a worry for me for the whole day...i wanted to cry but i wonder why tis time im tougher than my housemate who took the same course with me...tears welled up in my eyes but not rolling down...feeling so hard now..haihz...i have disappointed my parents...i felt so sorry for the poor performance in my exam...i felt so useless...my parents would definitely will have to fork out a large sum of money if i have failed...im such an unfilial daughter...haihz...

well, people...suddenly my eyes felt so heavy ady...nid to get myself tuck in the bed...shall continue the blog on the happenings after my exams when i has waken up 2mrw...nitez...sweet dreams...:)

* praying hard that i can make through this battle...GOD, please help me...thanz thanz...

Sunday, October 25, 2009

fUn Chem tUition

so fast sunday comes...yet, my corporate accounting is not on the good progress..haihz..the consolidation, the leases, the equity investment...give me a big big headache...

these two days, i have really turned into a piggy piggy...slept for more than 13hours a day..unbelievable right..even I myself cant believe it..i wanted to wake up early and sleep less...but my body felt so heavy to wake up..wonder why...haihz..so cham...machine breaks down at this crucial time...n my studies are still so far behind...stress stress n stress...nevertheless, in the midst of all the stress, i found one particular thing that makes me happy...guess what's that??duno??hahahz...only one person who knows this...

hahhaz..let me break the guess for u guys...the thing is my Form Five chemistry tuition...those days really gave me happiness...whenever i attended the class, i will turn into a crazy ,sot ppl...seriously...dun blif??sowann, yee van, fatima, n others who joined the Friday class can evident this..hahhaz...almost all the classes i will be laughing non-stop for a very very long time though there was nothing funny..eritime when the teacher taught us sth, i tend to find something funny out of it...n once i burst into laughter, no one can make me stop at that time...moreover, i felt so relax in the class among all the tuitions i went...the rest time...the eating time...the chatting time..n so on..so nice...thinking back all those days, i really wonder how i managed to be so crazy at that time...hence, when i was over excited yesterday, i msg-ed Sowann to talk back those time...n the first reply i got from her was ' Are you crazy now?'...swt...happy oso kena said crazy...but nvm...as long im happy that will suffice..there were still many other events in that tuition that made me overjoyed..but if i was to mention everything, this will gonna be a long long post..shall post them after my exam ba...hehehhez

i really miss those precious days...i cant imagine myself being so joyful that time..i think i can understand why melveen said im no longer the last time 'eiling'...its ok...i will become like how i was before the year 2007...muahhahaz...it's a promise...but one thing i cant leave behind is my stress level lorr...so whenever i feel stress, it's normal la,k...it's not because of those unnecessary things..hahhahaz...really so happy thinking back all my chem classes...missed those days....how i wished i can go back to the tuition with all my good friends...it will be damn fun im sure..hahhaz...

Friday, October 23, 2009

one dOwn

one down...finally i have taken my first paper..it looked like Im the only one in the RMIT programme who just started the first paper for the two-week exam...it means that my stress season has to be extended for one more week...::::(((((

Business FInance...a paper that will give me a nightmare tonight...i duno what crap i have put in it...i duno what nunsense i have vomitted out...n right now, im totally so restless to think of any other papers..all that appears in mind right now is the CRAP that i have thrown in the paper...dun wish to think how bad have i done...arrrrgggghhhh...i duno how to sit for the other 3 papers...business finance is considered the easiest subject out of the other three that are coming on their way...i cant imagine myself doing that three papers next week...NIGHTMARE!!!!!serious, haunted, terrible nightmare!!!!!feeling damn sad now...how i wish i can cry out loud for once before proceeding with the three subjects...

i have disappointed my friends who gave me all the luck and particularly one friend who gave me a yellow string which he got it from the NIne Emperor Temple...so sweet of him for thinking that i need luck...really thanz alot..but i have wasted your good intention...so sorry...

2day, i really feel so hopeless to study...can i rest a day??yes, i can...so swt right...answering to my own question..its ok...i shall rest..=)well, it's time for dinner...chaozzz...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

---------------

yearned to blog few days ago but my health and time did not allow me to do so...whenever i wanted to blog after my studies, my eyes started to pain and headache virus attacked me...hence, my bed was so kind kept calling me to it..n that's it, i have turned into a pig for these few days...slept more than the time i spent for my studies..n the situation became worst since i came back SUbang on Tues night...from yest till now, i wonder how many hours i have slept...moreover, i felt so reluctant to come back here...supposed to come back 2day, but my uncle so coincident coming down KL, so i just followed...how i wish he told my mum that wednesday oli he will be leaving tpg..at least, i have one more extra day in tpg to do sth that i wished to do so much...that's the oli thing that i have not fulfilled in tpg for the two weeks i were in tpg...haihz...freaking homesick during exam season...but when finals are over, my homesick level will be reduced...im such an unfilial daughter..zzzzz
my first paper is on its way in 20 hours time...how fast time flies...n im so 'proud' of myself that i still left 2more topics to go...yet, i still spend my time blogging here...well, i really do wana relax d..otherwise, i will receive non-stop msg asking me whether did I let my engine rest...well, my friend..i noe how to stop down n rest..im not a robot or wateva supergirl who can face the books for 24 hours...after 10pm, it will be the last hour for my studies no matter how long i have spent studying that day coz after that time, my brain is in total blur case...too much thing in it but very little % is being absorbed in it...sad..
and very sorry for all the ignorance to those who have been msg-ing me...really sorry....i have no reasons for the ignorance..is just simply i dont feel like replying nowadays..i noe im being very mean coz some of u all really have been very caring..n i und that the feeling of being ignored is damn hurtful but i really duno why I have turned into that..whenever i feel like replying, a moment later, i will feel it's like not a need for the reply unless it's really important...honestly, i feel very very stress receiving continuously msg-es...in addition, i will feel very stress too whenever someone treats me so good whereby the treatment is more than what a friend should do...i duno how to give back the same treatment, the same care....i felt im like playing ppl when i take the care poured on me for granted...thats y my stress is not only on my studies but friends too...duno since when i have such feeling...i admit im having mood swing very badly this year, only will reply if i feel like doing so...only will go out if i feel like going out...only will talk n joke with the person when i feel so...sounds much like a bitch right??i dont deny that for how i wish i could be that...n im learning to be one...all i could do is just apologize...
despite the stress, 2day is a happy day for my daddy,Chee Wei...happy burfday papa...too bad u r in tpg..ifnot I can celebrate for u in SUbang...lolx..at the same time, u can help me to de-stress oso ma..but since u so lazy to come back tpg, den it's oklorr...after my finals, i will belanja u makan..muahahhaz...have a blast for ur meaningful day..old liao...must take good care of ur health ooh...=)
i guess that's it for the day...hopefully, everything goes smoothly during this one-week exam...7 days more..really cant wait for my freedom redemption and my holidays...looking forward for the day...=)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

strEss

just back from yum cha with my super BFF( SOwann ), Sushan, Pei Pei, Caryn, Gaik Yen n Jo Lynn at Old Town Kopitiam...i should be feeling more relax right now..but the reverse took place..felt so stress..hiking to the highest level...really feel like hugging Sowann justnow...nid a comfort and a talk with her...haihz...

exactly 5 more days to go...yet, still lotz to read n memorise...i know i shouldnt be going out yumcha and so on...but, i need to relax...usually, before my finals, i will tend to go out alot compared with normal days..sumhow, this time the feeling is different...the amount of stress embodied in me is unquantifiable...plus, i began to insomnia lately...have to roll on bed for at least two hours only can sleep...worst still, afternun i still will feel sleepy and that's it...time for afternoon nap!!!...

oh God, just give me the strength and energy for two more weeks...i really have no idea how to do tis time...for these few days, i have been revising the Cost Management..the subject, frankly speaking, is really easy...but when come to the questions, i totally see stars...i couldnt imagine myself going into the exam hall by just reading the notes...i will definitely fail...coz out of the 10 questions I have done, oli 1 or 2 questions telly with the answers...others are marked with crosses...n disappointing enough, most of the questions are calculations only..yet, that was what i got...so heartache seeing the paper...till now, my confidence towards the paper is still at its minimal...haihz...one subject is torturing me deep enough...imagining myself with 3more other subjects...i think i will cry d when i start revising my Business Finance 2mrw...the same thing goes to my corporate accounting for next week...n the final killer, Company Law...i need to have my eyes blinded d this semester...

perhaps, i really need to sing 'where do broken hearts go' on the 30 Oct...preparing myself for the worst and not the best...couldnt find a space in me to store confidence...for i know, if i have confidence, i will fall even deeper into the dark side...this is like a taboo on me...nothing will go well if i have confident...i didnt mean that, with the absence of confidence, i will do well...but if the worst happens, i still have a reason for my failure...this is me who can be deemed as hiding away from truth...how to level off my stress???i wonder...really couldnt finish all of them in time...stress!!!!!sowann, i need YOUUUUUUUU to cheer me up....

Friday, October 16, 2009

********

ppl, exactly two more weeks to go before Sem 1, Year 2 of RMIT Programme ends!!!!i sounded so desperately to get out from college life,right? the fact is, NO...i supposed this is what a normal student will have in his or her mind whenever the finals are around the corner..sometimes, how i wish a person just have to attend classes and mingling with the assignments only...how much i HOPE that one day our Minister would be kind enough to approve the exam abolishment...such a dreamy girl of me knowing that this is impossible to happen...a student still has to go through what he or she is obliged to do...n no doubt, i do enjoy doing what a student should do...

my body ached 2day for duno what reason..perhaps sleep too much...n I began to miss my tukang urut...weird..i dont miss him all the while...but 2day, suddenly, he appeared in my mind when I thought of asking my sis to help me massage...hahhaz...suddenly, i missed his shoulder massage..really damn relaxing after the massage...my this tukang urut banyak professional wan...duno where he learnt the skills...good also..my purse doesnt have to cry...hehhehz...im so evil la..

anyway, having said that, he is a good friend of mine...BUT....he does get on my nerves at times...sumtimes, i felt so irritated by his acts...he everytime find ppl wrong timing...sumtimes, he can just text and say he is on his way now without earlier notice...then, when he reaches, all the works that Im doing have to be paused till he leaves...all my study plans are ruined just that way for that particular day..another thing is that he loves to trick me...few weeks ago, a day before the Business Finance midterm test, I was stressed till no words can describe...so coincidentally, i received a msg from him n thus, i requested for a short yumcha session...however, I ended myself at a friend of his mia burfday party...i only found out what's happening when i jumped into his car...n I went out for 3 hours that night when the next day was the midterm test...such a big prank on me...i wasnt angry for that but it's better to inform earlier ma...I dont really like to be last minute informed the sudden change of plan...there are many incidents more that really make my blood boils...but I shall keep those in me...

despite the irritating things he has done, he does take good care of me..apart from being my 'tukang urut', he is also my doctor n consultant...hahhaz..when i fell sick few times during June till August, Im the luckiest of all..dont have to see doctor but can get cured...i got prescribed medicines from him...of course not those chemical substances..then, i got healthy food supply from him...lolx...so lucky of me..really thanz him...this friend sumtimes make me happy with all his funny actions and jokes but can make me hate him also...if he doesnt do sth that irritates me, Im fine with him..if he does, I will totally hate him d...so, you better not do irritate me..muahhahaz...jk...i shall miss u when u leave malaysia...=)

u all dont have to guess whether im in love with him or vice versa...i can affirmly say NO..the reason i blog bout him is coz all the things he had done just came into my mind 2day...he is just my very good friend and the same from his side and nothing will happen between us...ppl ask y i dun choose him..well, the answer is simple---I have no feelings on anyone now no matter how good a guy treats me..maybe if girls, it will work on me la...hahhaz...i prefer to be good friends coz no matter what happen, v still can go out like usual and most importantly , I will not have the dependency habit...lolx...

it's time to say bye bye again...nid to tuck in early 2nite coz 2mrw is my hang out day..gonna meet my super best friend 2mrw..so long din see her d..missing her till the max...also, there's another BFF whom i havent see her for a year plus d...hoping I can go S'pore n find her this year end..hehehz..=)nitez!!!!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

reTrievAL

hey,ppl...I'm back to position again!!!!!

After a month disconnected from the blogspot, I, finally decided to dispose my old blog...thousands of reasons for the disposal...hahhaz..

one of them would be MY DADDY's call...today he said I din read his blog n din keep myself updated..even the SS girl coming back 2mrw oso i duno..ppl busy ma...must 'FACE BOOK' wan u noe..exam coming...ifnot, later I really need to sing ' where do broken hearts go' ady ( my friend suggested this one de, not my idea)....wakakkaz.. then, he complained the ENGLISH I used was too high class d..so swt...my english is so sweet n simple, yet he said till like that...so oklorr, i changed to market ppl mia language lorr now...(*daddy, u see ur daughter so good...got any reward for being so obedient onot?)...

secondly, after reading through all my posts again, I realised so much sad things I have displayed out there since last year...sad case,ain't?...this year was really a bad bad year for me...neither had i done well in my studies nor my friendships..both oso in a mess...trully messy..hahahz..but it's ok...life getting much much more better d now...trully living back in a world that is furnished with happiness...no doubt there is stress living in my soul and mind, I think that's nothing big deal...i might be complaining this n that, panicking that I will not have sufficient time to read everything for all the subjects esp Company Law, ultimately, I will just conclude to try my best...not going to set so high target anymore due to my declining mind storage capabilities..lolx..

so, I decided to skip 7chaps not to read...it's OPEN BOOK anyway..worst come to worst, pray that GUAN YIN will bless me...muahahhaz...now, still left tonnes of books n notes to go...the greatest thing of all is that BUSINESS FINANCE is still resting in peace whilst corporate accounting and cost management are just one quarter being dug up only...n last but not least, company law,despite skipping the 7chaps, still left 5more topics...how to not die...

luckily, Im back to tpg for my study break..otherwise, i will definitely go crazy staying in Subang facing the mountains of papers...moreover, MUM din give me pressure...sumo scold me for facing the books...swt...i just read for like how many hours only...that oso im reading while watching TV..then, spent my time FB-ing and MSN-ing...i couldnt think y on earth im still so free to do all this...n right now, setting up a new blog here...perhaps, im really trying to avoid stress...there are a few times I really feel like giving up reading...so suffocating looking at the words...but thinking that there is a high chance for my scholarship to bid farewell, I have to force myself to read them...this is the disadvantage of securing a fund...=(...nevertheless, without it, I wont be having my current life now..i wont get to know the people that I have in my life..i wont get to experience various things that will forever be etching in my heart and mind....so, I will secure it by my side till the contract lapses...thanz to the Star Education Fund!!!!you have made a difference in me...

actually, there are other reasons for this new blog...but these two are the main one...lazy to write anymore...ehhehez

one last thing to crap for the day:

today, I was so obsessed with one song..."WHere do Broken Hearts Go?"...well, some of u might be thinking Im emo-ing..but the fact is Im not..hahahz...it's just so nice...sings part of my thoughts...again, to the people who have been such caring and good friends, accompanying me during my ups and downs, Im proudly announcing that Im purely , healthily cured....coz too much love poured on me that made me felt Im so lucky...

sumhow one tagline will always remain in me no matter what : 'i enjoyed the feeling of being loved but i choose to be selfish not to love anyone now'....it sounds self-centred I know..but what matter to me now are my studies, my future and my family n of course all my besties...n most importantly, I dont see a need for my heart to have another scar...shall preserve it with due care...

finally, I want to use some space here to send a big special thanks to one person who has really tried the best to make me happy...thanz for all the gifts and SMS-es and care and ur help oohhh...nah, appreciation to u arr...u see u so 'BIG'...have to express my thankness here...dun say I always dun appreciate and 'hap' u d lorr...i noe how to appreciate one...muahhahaz...anyway, really thanz...

kla ppl...got to sign off...nid to oi oi d...shall crap again soon!!!!nitez!!!!


### my language here really 'marketable'...daddy, my english will get spoil wan le if continuously like that...lolx..just joking...