well, i know this might sound too late yet i still want to wish you guys a very very Happy New Year 2010...hope that all of u have a great celebration on it...as for me, i spent my countdown working night shift in TGV...sound pathetic,aint??it was actually a NOT NOT NOT as i found it quite interesting...counting down with colleagues, having fun and crapping with them...moreover, all my besties were in hometown...wished they were here to celebrate but it did not appear that way...thus, i decided to work at night...thank GOD, it was a pleasant countdown eventhough it was in the absence of the fireworks..=P

2010 is finally here, leaving the year 2009 behind...2009 was indeed a bad bad year for me in terms of studies, relationships, friendships and family...facing a lag and drop in studies, two failed relationships in a year, few of my close friends ignored me without me knowing any reason, and ......( i will silent regarding the last one)....2008 was a year of tears for me but there were still many sweet memories and happenings that support me to face the tough road... 2009 was a year of tears too, but there was an add on of disappointment, depression, hurt, tired, anger-ness, lost-ness...the road was filled with many thorn bushes..it pained me each time i walked through...wonder when only can i finish the road...

before 2010, i have made a list of resolutions which include the bla bla bla n bla...thinking back, they were merely a list...they were not actionable if i did not enforce them...i really wish i could realise them but once again, im just too too toooooooooo stupid...lying lying n lying to myself...all the lies were just to comfort myself...for a month plus, i thought im healed...till recently, i heard a piece of news or perhaps i shud say, i got to know this by chance which triggered my emo button...tears began to roll down again...my mind was occupied with all the memories with him again and all the hurtful words and things he had done...to be frank, i really have less feelings towards him d..maybe it was only less than 10%...but why do i still feel pain and hurt when i knew that news??i really wonder...why why why why why???is it because i felt the reasons u gave me were not true???is it because i felt cheated???is it because im still thinking that you were taking me as a substitute last time??is it because im a selfish girl???is it so??

sometimes, i have been thinking, if all the WHYs can be answered, how nice life would be...why my problems cant be like the Mathematic questions whereby they have all the answers and solutions??i know im being a stubborn and stupid one....

though im emo-ing over it, there was a good side of me being in the year 2010...at least, i knew myself wont be hurt by any guys anymore this year...im closing the door and not letting anyone in...i know some of u all are treating me very very good but im just so sorry....im not a good girl as you all perceived...i have too many weaknesses in me...just divert your love to other more worthwhile girls...it was a real phobia for me to be hurt by two guys at the start of each sem in 2009...when i refreshed back, i wonder is it a curse??

i duno when only i will get over it...5 months plus have gone and the 6th month is on its way d..but i still dont see myself forgetting anything...however, one thing for sure is that i will move on...n im really appreciating all my friends who have been by my side all this while esp VIjay, Sushan, Sowann, Alice, n currently my daddy and god-daddy...really lucky to have you all...love you guys....with lots of hugs and kisses...lol..:)